Cutting back on coffee
Yesterday afternoon, I had three cups of coffee at Starbucks and consequently stayed up until 3am, feeling anxious up until I dozed off. The sort of anxiety that had me looking up YouTube videos on how to focus on the moment and to let go of the future, etc. It was awful, not to mention I broke my rule of avoiding my phone in bed at night.
I woke up this morning and knew it was the caffeine intake that caused the anxiety. I spent the first bit of my day looking up what it would mean to cut back (or even quit) coffee, and the prognosis is harrowing: withdrawal symptoms include headaches and brain fog and anxiety. I decided to limit my intake today to: coffee in a mid-sized tumbler, at 0.5 teaspoon of instant coffee; and in the afternoon a large cup of green tea (with 0.5 teaspoon of leaves). These are rough estimates, but they are considerably lower than my usual dosage of caffeine (2-3 cups a day).
It's now 8:00 pm. I'm mentally exhausted, but feel calm. Perhaps I'm too fatigued because I slept for five hours last night. Perhaps it's because I'm less caffeinated than usual. Probably both.
But damn it, I know I need better self-control so that I don't inflict physical and mental damage on myself. I don't think I'll cut coffee out entirely, but I can work on limiting how much I consume. It'll be a form of kindness towards myself.
So continues the simplification of my life—this time around a habit I've had for ~15 years: the near-daily excessive consumption of caffeine.