On being kind to myself
I recently named my woes, and I know what I need to do to overcome all of them.
I need to learn how to be kind to myself.
For no matter what happens in the upcoming chapters of my life, this is the thematic task of my hero's journey. I know this because I left this task unaddressed in the past, and despite external appearances of success, I was unfulfilled.
There is much to recommend my being kind to myself.
First, no one is coming to save me. I have wonderful friends, powerful muses, and great mentors, but my path remains my own. As no one is responsible for me except for I, self-kindness seems prudent. The notion of saving my own soul sounds romantic, but it's no more than the act of helping. I find it easy to be helpful to others—what if I took that grace and extended it to myself?
Second, I've been there and done all that—the negative self-talk, the unfair self-criticisms. I have spoken to myself in ways that would make my enemies blush. And what do I have to show for it? Results that could well have been achieved with the aforementioned self-kindness, blemished by a dissatisfaction with myself. It's a disadvantage imposed on myself with no real benefit.
Third, I'm the person I'm set to spend the most time in life with. I have learned to enjoy my own company—to value solitude highly. Yet I want to build upon this base and really get to know myself. It's not the case that the person I am is a static being: there is no fixed persona to achieve understanding of, but instead an identity ever in flux that requires ongoing engagement. Kindness to myself involves being patient with my own becoming.
Whatever appears on the horizon, I wish to meet it with a soul content with itself. I wish to get out of my own way. Difficulties will arise, but self-kindness means I won't add to the problems for myself.
The five woes that I named in my last post:
- Seasonal Affective Disorder
- Job Search
- Finishing School
- Unrequited Feelings
- Lack of a Father Figure
Self-kindness is the key to navigating each of these unique challenges. It means giving myself permission to rest, preventing the chase for success from inciting my insecurities, not deriving my self-worth based on acceptance from others, and being the person I needed to be when I was younger.
One commitment can quell so many difficulties!