So, my soul is still intact
On December 1, 2025 I started this blog in an effort to save my soul, against that which ailed me at the time. Here's a progress report.
First, the seasonal affective disorder has come and gone. Where I live in the world has received plenty of sunlight lately, and although that means wildfire season is going to suck ass, I am lately more energetic compared to how I was before the winter solstice.
Second, I still worry about finding a job, and to be honest, I haven't really put in the effort. Part of it is because of more immediate tasks on my plate, but the other part is because my ego is afraid of receiving feedback from the universe that it isn't good enough. It's irrational, I know. Which is why I've recently taken up meditation and decluttering my personal library. These are activities that quiet the ego. This challenge remains my biggest.
Third, I continue to work on my academics along the way, and now have a reasonable plan. Again, I've allowed other distractions and diversions into my life—this, too, still requires work.
Fourth, regarding that faraway muse, I remain inspired by her, but I've learned to manage my expectations and hopes. My younger self would have been heartbroken over it, and put up walls against her, but those are emotionally immature reactions. I've learned that I can enjoy someone's presence in my life without having to be in a romantic relationship with them.
Fifth, I'm happy to say I haven't touched weed since that anxiety attack in November. In fact, I've also been reducing my caffeine intake this week. Part of the work I set for myself in December was to cultivate confidence and self-awareness, and knowing what is good and not good for me.
There's still a lot that I need to work on, but for now I am enjoying the chance to look back and to see that some progress has been made. I think my mind and ego seem to be in good spirits; the priority now really is to figure out the school/work situation, and to figure out how my life unfolds along that trajectory.